


Bucket List

by epithetta



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:00:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epithetta/pseuds/epithetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am going to make for you a list of truths and one lie, and I want you to find it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucket List

**Author's Note:**

> Written utilising the writerinadrawer prompt 4.07--"Caught in a Con" (someone is caught being untruthful). Added Element: a key. Also, ruthlessly shippy. Thanks cruentum for the looksee.

I am going to make for you a list of truths and one lie, and I want you to find it. If you want, you can redeem it later for drink coupons at Bosphorus. Or not.

1\. There are fifteen different ways to say "I broke my toe" in Kaashii. Three of them will land you in jail and one of them will get you married.  
2\. The third box is always red in Blixer Pong.   
3\. When you arrive in New Mauna Loa, they give you leis made out of dried nexum weed, and you can eat them. They taste like Spam.  
4\. The sound of children singing on Women Wept is not unlike the bells of St John's.  
5\. There's a hidden staircase in the tower of London, devised specifically to carry the bodies of dead aliens out so that people won't see them.   
6\. I fell down them.   
7\. Twice.   
8\. I wasn't drunk either time.  
9\. I'm going to be here quite a while.

10\. I know you have a sister. And I know about Debenham's.  
11\. Nothing like that ever matters. Not in the ways you think. Not to me.  
12\. On the other hand, the greatest problem one has with the self is usually oneself.  
13\. I'll still let you measure my inseam.  
14\. I told Martha to get you a UNIT cap.  
15\. I'll wear it if you want.  
16\. On my head, even.  
17\. I know how to salute in sixteen different military styles and with five different appendages.  
18\. Yeah, I said five.  
19\. Sometimes, the innuendo gets a bit much, even for me.

20\. Tosh wanted me to get the two of us an apartment. She even circled locations in the paper with red hearts and left it on my desk.  
21\. Owen wanted me to shoot you in the back of the head. Correction: that's what he said. I think we both know he was lying.  
22\. I knew there was something wrong with Suzie when I hired her. I just thought I'd see it in time.  
23\. Even back then I partially knew that was crap.  
24\. Yeah, you, me and Gwen: I've thought about it.   
25\. At this point if you haven't, then I've misjudged you.   
26\. I haven't misjudged you.  
27\. I just haven't always seen you fully.  
28\. Understanding and comprehending are two different things.  
29\. I never could get the point of fortune cookies.

30\. I was a middle child.  
31\. I love shellfish. Any kind of shellfish. The best part is looking for them. Or opening them, I don't know which.  
32\. The Boeshane prawn is the size of my flattened hand and needs to be shelled and deveined five minutes after you catch it or the intestine bursts and poisons from the bowel infect the meat.  
33\. If you feed that meat to your dog, they vomit and die.  
34\. My younger brother, Gray, was the one who did it, but he didn't know any better.   
35\. I said it was me anyway.   
36\. I suppose that assuming blame for something a sibling did is indicative of something.  
37\. That's not really a truth is it? ~~I'm bollocks at lists.~~  
38\. Wait. I'm bollocks at lists.  
39\. I still mean what I said.

40\. Knowing what I am, what happened to me to make me this way, hasn't made anything better.  
41\. It might be worse, in some ways.  
42\. I'm afraid to sleep under the ground most nights. At least by myself.  
43\. I do it anyway, and I wonder if maybe I'm punishing myself.  
44\. Sometimes I wish you had a fold-out sofa. Or that you’d decide to get one. I circled a bunch in an IKEA catalogue once, NOT with little hearts.  
45\. Sometimes I wish you'd invite me to stay more often.  
46\. I wish I had your key on my ring for a reason other than I'm your boss.  
47\. I think about what you'd be like with kids. Just not _our_ kids. Some kids.  
48\. There comes a moment, in the darkness, when you lift your hands and just hope that something latches on to you.   
49\. Nothing ever does.

50\. My mother made me take oboe lessons for seven years. You’re supposed to start with clarinet, but we didn't have one of those.  
51\. This might have ingrained a certain oral fixation in me.  
52\. In the Lotus Nebula, you can trade your body for pleasure.  
53\. I have never left the Nebula with a cent in my pocket.  
54\. I'd have lived there, but they ban firearms.  
55\. I love guns.  
56\. The above has cost me the affections of more than one person whom I still, to this day, love deeply.  
57\. You can love many many people.  
58\. You can love many many people and still be faithful.  
59\. You can be faithful and still not be a couple.

60\. I hate your blue tie with the stripes.   
61\. I love the waistcoat with the red satin backing.  
62\. I was a little freaked when you were a woman for a while.   
63\. I like your cock too much, I'm sure.  
64\. I don't like letting Gwen drive the SUV. I know it's not fair, but I don't. Does it bother you when she drives the SUV?  
65\. Sometimes I think about crashing the car into the bay, just for kicks.  
66\. I'm positive we could ride the dinosaur if you flushed her out and I jumped from above. Y/Y?  
67\. I stole all those Milkas.  
68\. And I know you already know, so that's not a confession.  
69\. I ATE them all. That's a confession.

70\. This is the part where I confess that I love you.  
71\. This is the part where I confess that I love Gwen.  
72\. I do love you more.  
73\. It's not a contest.  
74\. But I do.

END


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